


Sexual Misadventures

by preciousbunnynoiz



Series: Silliness!!! on Ice! [15]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Silly, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-09-25
Packaged: 2018-11-02 12:08:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10944189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousbunnynoiz/pseuds/preciousbunnynoiz
Summary: Sex isn't always sexy nor is it always successful or serious.Just little Victuuri moments where they are bad or awkward at sexy times





	1. Chapter 1

**I**

“Wait wait hold up!” Victor pulled away sitting back on his heels before using two fingers to root around his mouth.

“Pube?” Yuuri asked sympathetically from where he stood. Victor made a garbled sound that indicated Yuuri was correct before he pulled the offending hair out of his mouth.

“Okay good to go” he said sucking Yuuri down again.

**II**

“Hey remember the time you told me to fuck you but I wasn’t allowed to touch you?”

“Victor I said I was sorry!”

“Yeah and then you told me to ‘man up’ do you remember?”

“Victor it was one time and I apologised! Are you ever going to let me live that down?”

“Nope”

**III**

(text conversation)

 **Yuuri:** My mouth tastes like your dick

 **Victor:** Hopefully that’s a good thing?

 **Yuuri:** Well it’s a thing

 **Yuuri:** I like the taste when I’m actually giving head but less so as an after taste

 **Victor:** Huh, I guess that’s fair

 **Yuuri:** I’m going to go brush my teeth

 **Victor:** You do that

**IV**

“Ow ow ow butt cramp! Butt cramp!” Victor pulled out and curled up on the bed wincing in pain.

“Are you okay?” Yuuri asked in concern.

“Not really?” Victor said wincing again as Yuuri massaged the cramped muscle, “Well this is a mood killer”

“It’s better than the time you farted”

“ONE TIME YUURI! ONE TIME!”

**V**

(text conversation)

 **Victor:** I’m going to strip you slowly, teasing every inch of your skin with my tongue.

 **Yuuri:** Mmmm then what are you going to do.

 **Victor:** Then I’m going to spread your legs wide for me, kissing up your thighs

 **Yuuri:** Did you know that a platypus is smaller than a Kiwi bird wtf is up with that? Also we need milk.

 **Victor:** …

 **Victor:** I kinda hate you right now.

**IV**

“I want to have sex but I’m too tired” Victor groaned from where he was sprawled on the couch.

“Agreed. I’m too tired to even jerk off” Yuuri replied from where he was laying on the carpet.

Victor vaguely reached for Yuuri who did the same resulting in them waving an arm vaguely at the other.

“There we had sex” Victor declared.

“Well the closest we’ll actually get to sex tonight anyway” Yuuri replied.

“If we call it sex then it was sex and I can go to sleep without being grumpy about it.”

“Deal”


	2. Chapter 2

 

Victor and Yuuri were kissing lazily on the couch, things were just starting to heat up leading to Victor to slide his hand up Yuuri's shirt only to have his fiancé jerk back, breaking the kiss. Victor chased his lips...

"BUUUUURRRRPPP" right in Victor's face.  

Practically in his mouth!

He screwed up his face in disgust.

"Really?" he asked sitting back.

"Well I did try to move!"

"For fucks sake" Victor groaned, "What the hell did you even eat last?"

"I'M SORRY!"

 

 +++

 

Yuuri was leaning over Victor, his hair slicked back all Eros, his glasses on but that devilish smirk on his face. One hand was gripping the back of Victor's chair and one knee was between Victor's thighs.

"So Vitya, what should I do with a naughty boy like you?" he asked before leaning forward and running his tongue along the outside of Victor's ear. 

Victor, who had forgotten how breathing worked, sucked in a breath and let it out shakily.

"Tell me what you want me to do with you" Yuuri breathed into his ear.

"FUCK!" Victor yelled suddenly and kinda shrilly, his brain short circuiting. Yuuri jumped and pulled back to look at him.

"Me!" Victor clarified intelligently, "that would be nice" he added before burying his face in his hands, blushing up to his ears.

There was a moment of silence before Yuuri breathed out an annoyed huff and dropped his forehead onto Victor's shoulder.

"Jesus Christ Victor how are you so bad at this!"

Victor gave a strangled scream into his hands in reply.

 

+++

 

"Victor I really think it's too hot to have sex" Yuuri said in between kisses. They were both already sweating heavily.

"It'll be fine Yuuri. Trust me" Victor assured him. Yes it was boiling and humid and they were both slick with sweat and the bedspread strangely slippery in this b&b that regrettably lacked air con but Victor was not a quitter.

 

*20 minutes later*

 

"Damnit" Victor paused, his face twisted in frustration as he stopped to guide himself back into Yuuri.

Again.

He kept slipping out.  It didn't help that Yuuri was watching him with more bemusement than lust at this point. He gave one mighty thrust putting most of weight on Yuuri only to slide off of him and off the bed like his fiancé was a goddamn slip and slide.

Yuuri snorted in amusement when he thumped to the floor.

There was a moment of silence.

"Yuuri?" Victor called tentatively from the floor.

"Yeah Vitya?" 

"...I think it's too hot to have sex"

"Ya think?!?"


	3. Chapter 3

**1\. I'll let you theorise who is who in this one**

"So...you called me puppy."

"...and you immediately came."

"I really didn't know I was into that."

"Me either."

An awkward silence descended.

"Look maybe we should think and talk about this more AFTER you get your cock out of my ass"

"...that's a good point"

 

**2\. A good thing?**

~~~~They fell onto the couch kissing desperately, clothing flying everywhere.

Yuuri was thankful he'd prepared earlier. 

It just took a quick fumble for the lube and a few minutes later Victor was pushing in as they sprawled half on the sofa half on the floor. 

Yuuri's eyes widened and his cries were louder and more desperate than ever before because holy fuck this felt better than any other position they'd tried. Victor seemed to agree by the look on his face.

"Victor! Victor! Ah VICTOR!" Yuuri cried as they came together.

They looked at each other in the afterglow. 

"Did we really just both orgasm in less than a minute?" Victor asked

"We had more foreplay than usual?" Yuuri suggested red faced.

"Not that much more" Victor grumbled.

"I can't really tell if that was a good position or not" 

 

~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ **3\. Some fantasies don't work out**

"Victor you said you wanted to see me wear this and I said it was okay" Yuuri tried not to let his frustration show.

"I know" a muffled voice replied.

"Then will you come out of that burrito and talk to me?" Yuuri's hands were on his hips and his foot tapped an impatient beat against the floor.

Victor reluctantly poked his head out of his blanket burrito, made an eep sound, and dived back into the blankets.

"I can't do it!" Victor's shriek could just be heard past the blankets.

"Does it look that bad?" Yuuri's voice trembled, he knew Victor had fantasied about this long before Yuuri was in the picture. He hated the thought of being the reason Victor no longer enjoyed it.

Victor sat up properly, the blanket burrito ending up in a nest around him. 

"Look bad!? Yuuri you're so hot in those it should be illegal!" Victor gestured a bit wildly at the black lace panties barely concealing Yuuri's soft length. Victor's face was very red as he took in how the lace clung to his fiancé's curves before flopping face first onto the pillows to hide his face.

"Then what's wrong?"

Victor whined but looked at Yuuri. 

"I'm too embarrassed"

"Embarrassed!?" Yuuri almost shouted before swearing and pinching the bridge of his nose and letting out a huff of air.

"Okay," he said finally, "I'll go into the bathroom and take some photos for you but really I should be the one embarrassed here"

(That's the day that Yuuri learned he could make Victor blush just by saying "black lace")

"Really you have no trouble asking me to fuck your mouth but me wearing black lace panties makes you flustered and shy?" Yuuri teased later.

Victor whined. 

"Yuuri!"

Yuuri just laughed fondly and hugged Victor closer.


	4. Chapter 4

"Babe I said I was sorry! Please come out!"

"No"

"Yuuri, sweetie, Light of my Life I didn't mean to say it please just unlock the bathroom door!"

"How could you not mean to say it!?"

"Don't you think kicking me in the stomach and locking yourself in the bathroom is overreacting a little bit honey?"

"DON'T YOU HONEY ME AND THIS IS YOUR FAULT FOR QUOTING THE PORN VIDEO WE WATCHED LAST WEEK WORD FOR WORD WHEN YOUR COCK WAS IN ME!"

"...Will you come out if I promise to never do that again and buy you chocolate?"

"...what kind of chocolate?"

* * *

 "Yes Harder!" Victor cried as Yuuri rode him from behind.

There was a strange stutter in Yuuri's hip movements and then his hands clenched tightly around Victor's hips as he let out an almighty sneeze, the sound making Victor jump.

It wasn't helped by the splatter of something wet on Victor's back.

"Did you just..."

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" Yuuri quickly scrubbed at his back with tissues.

"ewww...."

* * *

 "Ugh this article! It's claiming I just became your coach to get into your pants" Victor grumbled.

"Well you kind of did" Yuuri said with a laugh leaning over the back of Victor's chair and kissing his cheek.

"I did not! I became your coach because you are extremely talented and I knew I could bring out your potential! The inside of your pants is just a perk" Victor huffed before his eyes widened as he realised what he said "Wait! no!"

"Did you just call my cock a perk?" Yuuri asked shaking with laughter.

"I MEANT IT AS A COMPLIMENT!"

* * *

 

Yuuri missed Victor liked crazy. It was just an overnight thing but he still did and ended up staying up half the night pining and the other half frantically masturbating. He was woken in early morning by a kiss and smiled. He'd only had about an hours sleep but that didn't matter. Victor was home.

"Mmmmm Hi love" he whispered and then shifted and winced. He felt like he had to go to the toilet really badly, "I'll be right back" he murmured to the blurry shape of his fiancé before slipping out of bed and walking to the bathroom with a yawn when Victor said he'd wait.

It really was most uncomfortable. Like he was almost shitting himself but it also kind of hurt? He hoped he hadn't done it too much last night.

He pulled down his boxers and sat on the toliet. At the slightest push something hard shot out of him and splashed into the toilet and Yuuri was suddenly wide awake. 

With slowly dawning horror he stood up and looked and yes, the dildo with the thankfully flared base that he'd used last night was in the toilet. He'd fallen asleep immediately after cumming and had forgotten to remove it, forgot it was even in. Thankfully the pain he had felt before was mostly gone but he groaned realising he'd just ruined Victor's favourite dildo. 

"Darling are you okay?" Victor called.

Yeah this was going to be a fun one to explain.

**Author's Note:**

> May add to this as I think of other moments


End file.
